Saturday, August 18, 2012

About bad behavior

We think we understand the reasons why people behave as they do. Do we, really? The lover that “betrays” his or her partner, for example, may very well love him or her sincerely (whatever that means…). And even so he or she may very well enjoy having an affair because it gives him or her a feeling of self-sufficiency, reinforcing his or her sense of individual identity (in a relationship the frontiers between you and me tend in general to be diluted).

Escaping for a while his or her so well organized and predictable life, forgetting for a while his or her responsibilities, getting into a state of exciting mental confusion and of uncertainty may be the reason why many people “betray” each other in relationships. It may be very electrifying indeed to feel a bit lost and confused for a while and not so sure of what may or may not happen. But who would easily accept that kind of explanation or justification from his or her partner without pain? Would I?

P.S. I should also have mentioned that sometimes children or adolescents in particular behave surprisingly badly (irresponsibly), doing the most inappropriate and stupid things, just to prove their parents that they will do whatever they want and like and have no fucking justification to give to anybody. "Got it, dad and mom? I am the boss here!!" Are they? Forgive them if you can, be patient. But make it clear to them that they have to assume the consequences of their bad behavior, that there are limits not to be surpassed. They will hate you enormously most probably for a while but take it without getting angry yourself. Anyway, they are not in general as bad as they want us to believe they are.

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